June 22
I try not to write not just on sad moments, but maybe I’m back to having more sad moments then good again. Seven weeks ago I was just as naïve as many that haven’t suffered a baby loss. But my heart has now felt the pain anad agony of loosing something so close. I gave this child life and for twentyfour weeks we were together and now we are permanently apart and it hurts. In these past month and a half I have heard the most rude and callous remarks such as but not limted to, I understand what you’re going through I had a c-section and I wanted a normal delivery for my twins or I bet your arms ache right now (what about my heart) or the Indian culture won’t let me see you because you might kill my baby too. Lack of education shows for some. And to top it all off, I am suppose to respect their horrid ideals during my grief. That’s like telling something to hail Hitler. It seems that sometimes we’re suppose to respect the horrible people on this earth rather then allow those that have the right to mourn. And Jesus wept. If the Savior had the right to mourn then so to I without the callous remarks from some people.
I’m suppose to move on and ‘get over it’. I know I have much to be blessed. You can tell my brain that, just not my heart. I’m suppose to be able to visit with other peoples babies and just say that is how it was suppose to be. My baby is in my heart and everybody else’s get to be loved and grow here on this earth. I know my limits. I do not surround myself with people who say callous remarks to me and people with babies. I will not surround people like that at least not right now.