June 18
Just when you think life doesn’t get any worse it does. I went to the cemetery to discuss the problems we were having with your headstone, come to be informed, because I opted to have you share Grandma’s grave, I will never be allowed to place flowers, momentos on your headstone. I lost it, I was balling right there in the cemetery office. The three employees literally were gaining up on me. I hate them all. They told me I knew this. I called my folks and somehow (only by a miracle) they found one of the board of directors who came and at least listened to my story and the difficulty this loss has been. We will see what comes of this tomorrow. I ate lunch today with a neighbor who she too suffered a loss of a child and also her Mother in a car accident by a horrible person. I guess the cemetery people didn’t cause your loss, they just keep throwing salt on my already open wounds. I guess I can say I am in a ‘group’ that only Mom’s who have had to bury their children can join. It’s interesting that this gal has grieved for almost a year, she still desperately mourns and misses her baby (and Mom). I keep thinking it will get easier, but this week has brought me back to the first week of loosing you, except besides my parents and immediate family no one else is mourning for you. I am now not only typing this as my journal, but also on a blog. I am hoping to one day look back and say ‘These were the hardest days of my life’. I just hope I am not ninety when I say these things. Another quote I heard was ‘Most people dream of Angels, well on May 4, 2008, I got to hold one’. Thank you Keithey for coming into my life. I miss your terribly. I know I’ll get through this week….hopefully without any felonies.