August 11, 2009

You can say that our summer has been a great one. Steve and I wish we could stay home all year long with the kids. I doubt they realize how lucky they have it with their parents home. I have worked hard on being social and having friends and scheduling friend dates. I think it has paid off. I ams so happy where we live. Each child has one or two good friends. Even though Eric’s best friend is moving and I should say his Mom is my good friend too. Fortunately not too far, but I am sure it will be far enough.

Did I mention that I was called as the primary president for our new ward? Talk about the deer in the headlights! That’s what the Bishop referred to as he gave me the calling. I’m still overwhelmed and trying to make some much needed changes against those that have been in the ward for so long. Steve is the cub master which I am glad so I know the boys are being taken cared of. Last Sunday we spoke in sacrament meeting, I had to ‘emergency substitute’ for Sunbeams, and conduct in primary. I went home and had a much needed Coke! Interesting I told my husband I wanted just one more child and now I have 40 primary kids plus 20 nursery kids (see the lopesidedness?)

Also, last Tuesday we completed the homestudy for the foster to adopt. Now that we have done everything, I am having more second thoughts?? What the hell am I doing? I don’t mind adopting a toddler but the thought of fostering for two or so years and then have the child reunified tears me apart. Once we are officially licensed I am going to tell our caseworker we need a child close to tpr (termination of parents rights). As mentioned two different one child under the age of 3 is all we will take. We quit after that.

And yes we are trying, but nothing as of now. I bought four ovulation tests and I don’t think I ovulated at all last month. Again, I’m not sure if I want a newborn. They still frighten me beyond measure. If I got pregnant I have all those worries of miscarriage and stillbirth. Then once the child comes I get to worry about SIDS, accidents. How any child makes it to adulthood (and then even more worries) is beyond me.
I can say I’m doing better overall with my grief. I will forever miss my Keither guy and wish he were here, but I know I will see him one day. I love Keith so much. As we get closer to his due date (Aug 20), I’m going to purchase the “We were going to have a baby, but had an angel instead’ bo0k for the library system. Even though it is a children’s book, it has helped me so much. I love my children so much and love being a Mommy more than anything in the whole wide world.
We’ve had a fun summer doing many “staycations”. From Zions, Goblin Valley, Arches, Cherry Hill, the cabin, Viva Las Vegas(which turned out being a great trip) and now to Lava Hot springs. We’ve had fun. In Vegas we hit the Tournament of the Kings, the Adventure dome, and the Children’s museum twice. We have loved 2009 summer events! And are hoping to go to California this Christmas and Yellowstone over UEA. Yes summer is fun, but it is winding down and school is starting.